ohh gosh.im so damn sick of everything that is happening now.is all this a test for me??if it is .well im really really sick sick of it.sometimes i really want to escape from reality and just pretend that i do not know anything at all.really.

well,anyway it was athenium day today.
same old day just as usual.and c.o today was zZz lar.van didnt come and the whole practice was s-o draggy.at least i had something to look forward to!going out with jie.we talked alot lol..went cafe cartel eat but i ended up as e last one to finish lar.we talked many things.actually i didnt really go think about it der but as i told all these to her it was like my heart became heavier and heavier.maybe its because i feel that if i dun say.it will not happen.which is so NOT TRUE.now all i really hope for is that my eyes will be better.if u know what i mean.although it seems as if we are getting along better that last time.i will still doubt whether it will last not cos sooner or later we will still cos of something jiu quarrel der lol.

anyw sorry best friend.
friends.well i dunno what they are for too.except for some.i told jan and i really meant it.they r jus wad grace said.some of them only for the sake of going tgt.right.ya haha.things really sucks for me big time.why must i be someone that im really not huh.i tell myself to tolerate sometimes but i really can't.you know ha.
friends.they dunn care.most of them yeah..they dunn even listen to u sometimes or they will forget it soon .and i wonder what will happen in a year time.i dun even want to think about it.haha or in 15years time great. a 30years me.with HIM? OR?

family.her attitude is already changing gradually.i know it.although i dunno its good or bad.probably the latter.i guess dad one too.and it will be a HAPPY FAMILY.

thanx jan .
thanx van
for listening to me and helping me too.

and yao song for the advice.
though i feel that its no use even if i believe in myself.





breaking down.